Stealing Spaceships: For Fun and Profit Read online

  If you wanted to call the Den civilization.

  The ship’s radar stayed silent as I descended toward the station, so I figured I’d lost my pursuers. The station was a Rusty’s, and there was only one other craft fueling up at this deserted outpost: a curvy ship, with black sides and a clear roof. As the Alfaromero-31 ground to a halt beside an empty fuel pump, I looked for the owner of the black ship but didn’t see anyone. They must have been doing some personal refueling inside the station.

  If I didn’t know any better, I’d say the black ship was an off-duty Deltulu cop.

  I was just too lucky of an S.O.B. for that to be the case. I shrugged off the thought as I opened the fuel tank and set the craft to hover. When I stepped out, I ditched the racing jacket and stuffed it into the bottom of the cockpit. I reached into my own vest and pulled out a fistful of cash. I fed them to the fuel pump until I had enough credits for the fueling light to blink green. The nozzle unlocked, so I shoved it into the fuel tank and released it to do its work.

  “That’s a nice ship you've got there,” a female voice said from behind me.

  I turned with a smile and thought I really was a lucky S.O.B.

  A female cop was sauntering toward me from out of the station, sucking down a Rusty’s Big and Tall. Based on the maroon color staining her full lips, it looked to be the pomegranate flavor. What was it with me and blondes today? I patted the hull of the Alfaromero-31, as if to tell her not to be jealous.

  “That’s some mighty nice equipment you’re working with there too.” I grinned. I nodded at the cop’s landracer behind her, but my eyes didn’t leave her uniform. The police force on Deltulu was known for being hard-nosed. Nothing got past them. Or at least, nothing yet.

  I was pretty sure the hips of this cop alone would stop anything trying to get past her. Her waist was small enough I could have just about wrapped my whole hands around it, but her waist extended down into hips wide enough to have their own gravitational pull.

  Oh, to be a planet in that pull.

  I grinned while I took note of the projectile handgun on her belt. She wasn’t part of the task force sent after me, at least. If she had been, she’d be more heavily geared up. Unless she had gotten a transmission in the last few minutes, she wouldn’t know who I was. And unless she followed the Granix racing world, she wouldn’t know what this ship was either.

  Or at least not until she scanned us.

  “Just out for a little evening joyride,” I sighed. I stretched my arms to take a quick peek at how long it would take to finish filling up. My tank was almost halfway full, but I wanted three-quarters of a tank just to be sure I had enough to outrun anybody who still thought they could catch me.

  “Mhm,” she said and looked my ship up and down.

  “You coming off a shift?” I asked. I lessened my smile, so it stayed friendly but didn’t seem suspicious.

  The hour-glass figured cop raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, done for the night. Just want to head home.”

  “I hear that.” I nodded. “You’ve got a hard job, no doubt about it.”

  She shifted her stance, and I felt the gravitational pull of her ass pull me right along with it.

  “Going home to your boyfriend? Girlfriend?” I asked. My tank was just over half full. Almost there.

  She shook her head and let out a little laugh.

  “What’s so funny?” I smiled to match her laughter.

  “Oh, I was worried you were making small talk with me to keep me from checking up on how come your exhaust pipes are all melted.” She shrugged. “But turns out you just wanted to hit on me.”

  I clutched my hand to my chest. “What kind of scum do you take me for?”

  “The usual kind,” she laughed.

  “I’ll have you know, I’m much more than your usual scumbag, thank you very much. This scum has been aged to perfection.”

  “Oh, yeah?” she smiled. “Let me guess: are you best served with a side of--”

  “Of you?” I grinned. “Why yes, ma’am. Beauty and brains.”

  The blonde cop sauntered closer to me, even as I shut off the fuel nozzle when my ship reached three-quarters of a tank.

  “Rule number one,” she breathed, close enough I felt her exhale on my chest. “Never confuse the side dish with the main course.”

  I laughed and leaned down until our lips were just inches apart. “Oh, I’d just be happy to be at the table.”

  The fuel pump dinged behind her to inform her that her ship’s tank was full. She rocked back on her heels with a giggle.

  “That’s my cue to--” she sighed.

  “Oh come on now,” I interrupted and leaned back on the fuel pump. I was on a deadline, but not that much of a deadline. “You can’t fight fate.”

  She shook her head. “I’ve got a dog to feed, so I better head out. But thanks for cheering up my night.”

  “Any time.” I grinned. “Maybe the stars will align for us some other night.”

  She turned back toward her landracer, and I felt my eyes glued to her gravitational pull. The blonde gave a little wave over her shoulder as I vaulted back into my own cockpit. By the time she fired up her ship, I’d taken off, so if she happened to scan me out of suspicion or just curiosity, I was already long gone.

  I kept the ship dark as I zipped across the remaining stretch of flatlands. The blue moons above me cast ghostly shadows across the empty terrain, and I knew to any creatures or critters hidden in the scrub brush, I looked like no more than a flash of light that blinked and then was gone.

  I reached my destination when the first moon reached its zenith overhead. The flatlands dropped out into a large canyon, with caves branching off every which way for a quick, if dangerous, escape route. In the middle of the canyon, or rather sprawled out all across it, was the Den.

  The Den was Deltulu’s answer to the planet’s hard-nosed police force. If there was a law involving alcohol, drugs, or music, the Den made sure to break it six ways to Sunday. It was like something out of an old earth-that-was Jimmy Buffet song. Only instead of driftwood and margaritas, it was scrap metal and piss-colored booze.

  I didn’t trip any alarms as I lowered my ship into the canyon and came into sight of the outdoor bar. That was good. That meant my buyer was already here and had given the word my ship was expected. As soon as I parked her away from the other crafts, just hidden behind a small rock face, I powered her down and hopped out to receive my payday.

  I smoothed back my blond hair and strode toward the bar. I had the worst craving for something pomegranate-flavored, but the bartender at the Den would only have said “pom-uh-what,” so I just ordered some flavorless ale to keep my hands from fidgeting.

  As soon as my drink was in hand, I spotted my buyer sitting half a dozen bar stools down from me. Dadr looked like the kind of guy who you’d pound without batting an eye for flashing your sister in an alley, but no one would even notice the bruises under his greasy black hair, patchy stubble, and irritating-as-shit smirk.

  I nodded at him. Instead of waiting for me to come to him, Dadr picked up his own drink and came over to me. I knew he must want this ship bad if he was willing to make the first move, so I gestured at the stool beside me because I wanted to stall him just a minute before I showed him the Alfaromero-31. He needed to be all anticipation first.

  And besides, Dadr was my buyer, but he wasn’t my target.

  My target was behind the bar, slinging drinks to as many sad saps as didn’t mind the burn of fire down their throats from some grade-A, strong-as-hell-but-tastes-like-ass liquor. Rumor had it, the bartender worked two jobs. One was keeping all the customers of the Den satisfied. The other was working as a scout for Favian Grith, keeping an eye out for any interesting criminals or illegal dealings that the off-world crime lord might be interested in.

  And if stealing the queen of the Abn Presa didn’t get Grith’s attention, I didn’t know what would.

  “So,” I announced when Dadr sat beside me, “you ready t
o make some money?”

  The skeevy buyer glanced sideways at me, and I had the distinct feeling he was going to be an asshole tonight.

  “Don’t you want to take off your glasses?” he smirked. “Or can’t you tell it’s night?”

  Yep. Definitely an asshole. I raised my hand to touch my frames. “I would, old pal.” I smiled. “But if I took them off, I might just be blinded by your pretty face.”

  He laughed, and I dropped my hand back to my lap.

  “Did you have any trouble?” the grease-faced buyer asked.

  “Dadr, old friend, old pal, would I have offered you more jhozium all at once than you could scrape together in two lifetimes put together, if I thought I was gonna have any trouble?” I sighed.

  The buyer’s greasy smirk grew greasier. And smirkier. “You tell me.”

  “No,” I growled. “I told you I’d deliver the queen, and she’s all waiting for you.”

  I waved at the bartender for another ale to keep him on our side of the bar and in eavesdropping distance.

  “You having me on?” Dadr grunted and glanced at the rows of parked ships.

  “You don’t park a queen with the servants,” I answered. I tightened my grip on my fresh ale, but I wanted to be tightening it on one of the two handguns concealed at my waist.

  “Then I guess you better show me you’re not just here for the booze,” the greasy-faced buyer demanded.

  He started to stand up, but I shook my head. “I don’t think so, old pal. Not until I see some proof you came with the coin.”

  “I’ve got it.” Dadr nodded.

  “Well then, let’s see it,” I pressed.

  “It’s on the transport ship. Just as soon as I see you held up your end of the bargain, I’ll hand it over.”

  “With the speeder, of course,” I added.

  “Of course.” The skeevy man smiled.

  Dadr was beginning to sound like he had ideas. But the last thing I needed was some living, breathing, walking asshole to think he was suddenly an asshole with a brain. All he had to do was hand over the cash and the speeder he’d promised me, so I could leave the Den in my dust and get back to some piece of civilization where I could hop a ship off-world.

  Unless the bartender happened to think Favian Grith might take a liking to my work.

  “Unless this creature has decided the price of a speeder is more than he wants to trade you for a priceless ship,” the chip chimed in my head.

  I ignored her and smiled at Dadr. “Then how about we inspect the goods? I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

  He followed me away from the bar back toward where I’d parked the Alfaromero-31. He was a sack of shit, but I hoped he wasn’t that stupid of a sack of shit. A speeder cost next to nothing, just a little open-air ship like an old earth-that-was motorbike. If you crashed, you’d be deader than dirt, but it was a cheap way to get from one spot to another, and when you were done with it, there was always some other fucker looking for an untraceable and very temporary form of transport you could pawn it off on.

  I hoped the bartender was tracking our movements, but I was pretty sure I’d already caught his attention with all my talk of jhozium at the bar. Dadr walked side-by-side with me toward the queen of the Abn Presa. At least that meant he wasn’t planning to screw me over right away.

  “Don’t be an asshole,” I muttered, but it was quiet enough I didn’t think he heard me. I just had to play nice for a few more minutes.

  When we reached the Alfaromero-31, the greasy-faced buyer immediately curled his smirky lip. I stroked the ship along one of her jhozium seams. This man wouldn’t appreciate a fine racehorse if it bit him in the ass.

  “She looks a little worse for wear,” Dadr said. “Why’s she all banged up? Her hull too, not just her impulse exhaust.”

  I let my arms hang loose at my sides, ready to grab the weapons hidden by my vest if I needed them. I waited for Dadr to continue.

  “You wouldn’t have run into any trouble with the cops, now would you?” the buyer asked, his voice hard.

  “Would we just be standing here talking like the best of friends if I had?” I tried to keep my voice easy, but he was starting to grate on my nerves.

  “And the trackers?”

  “Disabled, obviously.” My arms itched to cross in front of my chest, but I forced them to stay where they were.

  Dadr nodded but his hand moved across the hull of the ship again. “I don’t know,” he sighed. “It’s a lot of damage. I don’t know if the jhozium alone is worth it, considering the shape she’s in.”

  “Listen, that’s some primo jhozium, my friend,” I growled. “You know damn well it doesn’t matter that the hull is scratched, because if you’re seen walking out of here with that ship anywhere near intact, you’ll be shot first and arrested after.”

  “I see your point. The ship’s too hot to move.” He gave a wicked smile. “Maybe too hot to buy.”

  This asshole.

  I smiled right back. I wasn’t about to let the owner of some two-bit chop shop ruffle me. Especially not when I knew he’d end up buying the blasted thing as long as I kept my cool. As much as I loved my queen, I needed her off my hands before she really was too hot to move.

  “Don’t even worry about it then.” I shrugged. “I’ll just see if my other buyer feels the same way.”

  “You’re bluffing.” But Dadr’s mouth pressed together in a tight little worried line.

  “Think whatever you want,” I sighed. I turned away from him and started back toward the outdoor bar. “Hey, Theo!”

  Two men turned toward me to see who was shouting so loud. “Theo!” I called again. “Yeah, you. You little asshole, I haven’t seen you in ages, and would you believe what I’ve got as a gift for you?”

  “Wait!” Dadr called behind me.

  I smiled and turned away from the two men. If I had time, maybe I’d buy them a drink for unknowingly going along with my Theo ploy. Even if they’d only turned to see who was yelling some other fuck’s name at them.

  “Think better of my offer, did you?” I asked Dadr when I reached him.

  “I’m not happy with it,” the chop-shop owner grunted. “But you throw two hundred dellers off my next order, and we’ll call it a deal.”

  “You got it, buddy.” I gave him a little salute. “This beauty’s all yours, just as soon as you hand over the cash. How about it?”

  The greasy-faced buyer nodded. “I’ll have one of the lads bring down the speeder with the cash, and then as soon as everybody gets the start-up codes they need, we can both go our separate ways.”

  “Then I guess you better call your boys,” I said.

  I leaned my back up against the Alfaromero-31 as he stepped away to make the call. Given the size of the transport ship, it was parked up on the canyon bluff, and my greasy-faced buyer had taken a small shuttle down into the Den itself.

  Calling his boys in was a smart move, even for a piece of shit like Dadr. He could have had the speeder and the cash ready for a quick trade-off, but he wanted to see me squirm just a little when he called in his back-up.

  I didn’t mind. As long as I got paid, he could call in all the back-up he wanted. Back-up was notoriously unreliable, anyway. They’d be dependable as hell until the one day when the money was good enough they’d stab you right in the back. I was just fine without the worry of a knife in my back.

  “We are your backup,” Honey Bee chimed inside my skull.

  “I really wish you’d stop saying we,” I groaned.

  Almost as soon as Dadr made the call, a speeder descended toward us from the transport ship above. Two men were riding it, but the one in back had his knees pushed up almost to his ears to make room for the cargo bins strapped to both sides of the seat.

  “Should we leave it running?” Dadr smirked.

  “Nah, but I’ll take that key, if you don’t mind,” I told him as the speeder landed beside us and the racing ship.

  The two men hopped off
the speeder and left the helmet on the seat. One handed me the key. Another reason speeders were so cheap-- no fancy access codes or starter drives. Just good old-fashioned crank keys.

  “And if you don’t mind again,” I continued. I turned the key in the lock of the cargo bin on the left. As soon as I checked to make sure no one else was watching, I opened it and kept my grin to myself at the two cards and the one wad of cash gleaming up at me.

  “You want to check it?” the sack-of-shit growled.

  “You bet.” I dug through and let my eyes go blank behind my shielding glasses as the chip scanned the cards. Half my payment was on a card I could use on any Dominion-controlled planet or outpost in the galaxy. The other half was split between a card I could use any place the Dominion wasn’t, and the stack of gold-threaded bills I could use to pay for just about anything, anywhere.

  “All genuine,” the chip pinged in my ear.

  I tucked both cards and the stack of bills in the inside pockets of my vest.

  “You don’t want to call and make sure it’s all good?” the greasy-faced buyer asked.

  “I believe you.” I shrugged, and my glasses hissed as they let off steam.

  I grabbed the racing jacket from the cockpit and gave Dadr the code to start up the queen of the Abn Presa. Once he warmed up her engines, one of his men drove her up the canyon face and into the back of the transport ship. Her gleaming blue seams disappeared as the cargo bay doors closed after her.

  “See you, princess,” I sighed as I slipped the jockey’s jacket back over my vest. After all, it wasn’t like anyone here would call the cops on me if they recognized it.

  Dadr and his other man boarded the shuttle they’d taken down into the Den and lifted off. I waited until they were safely docked on the transport ship, and I heard the low hum of the big ship’s engines warming up.

  I needed Dadr to get gone with his transport ship and take my queen with him. The Den didn’t usually get raided, seeing as how it was in the middle of nowhere and had a clear view dozens of miles in every direction. Plus, there wasn’t usually anything obviously illegal going on. All under-the-table deals and nods across the bar that sent kingpins toppling or crowned them with power.