Skulduggery 2 Read online

  “We clean up and get to work,” I said as I gathered some towels and carefully went about wrapping their palms.

  We were official, and with wounded hands, we went to work on the mash.

  “We need to add some more water,” I said as I lifted a few buckets worth up to Dar, who then poured it over the mashed grain concoction.

  “How’s that?” Dar nudged me with a furry foot from the step ladder and tilted the bucket back and forth.

  “I think that should be enough.” I peered into the tub full of our crushed grain and slid the cover back over it. “It’s time for our dragon to do what he does best.”

  “Okay, you ready?” Penny asked as she hovered over Azure.

  The scaly beast twirled his thin tail and unleashed his flame upon the vat.

  “Not too hot,” I cautioned as my eyes moved to the dragon like a concerned mother, or I guess, I was the father in this case.

  “How hot do we need it?” Cimarra asked while she observed the process.

  “The water should bubble,” I said and lifted the lid to check. “If it’s rolling, it’s too hot.”

  “Bubble, not roll,” Cimarra muttered as she studied what we were doing.

  “Dar, give it a good stir and don’t stop.” I tossed him the club we had crushed the grain with. “Lemme know if you need a break.”

  “How long am I stirring for?” Dar asked, and his eyes widened as he used his forearm to brush sweat off his face.

  “A few minutes,” I smirked, “I think you’ll live.”

  I wanted to see how long Dar would last. He looked as if he was paddling out to sea.

  “Temp still good?” Penny wondered as she stroked Azure.

  “He can cool it for now,” I said and gave Azure a pat on the head.

  The dragon smacked his lips as a puff of smoke curled from his nose.

  “Keep stirring?” Dar grunted as he swirled the club around the vat.

  “Few more minutes, you’re doing great,” I encouraged and watched as his face grew redder by the second.

  “You need a pixie to take over for ya?” Penny snorted.

  “No … ” Dar grunted and shut his eyes as he tapped into some inner strength.

  “So, it has to cool as it’s stirred?” the dancer asked as she stepped closer to the vat.

  “That’s right, we need the grains to blend all their tasty flavors together,” I replied as I carried a bag of the turbo yeast from the corner of the room and dropped it near the step ladder. We kept most of our supplies in the corner and that wasn’t ideal. I needed to find time to build some shelves and get organized.

  “How much more?” Dar asked as he barely moved the club back and forth.

  “You can rest.” I nodded to the halfling and caught the club as he tossed it back to me.

  “That’s how it’s done,” he panted as he came down from the ladder. His face was flushed and beaded with sweat.

  “You better not have dripped sweat in the mash,” Cimarra said with a scrunched nose.

  “Did you?” Penny glared at the halfling by her side.

  “I didn’t, I didn’t,” Dar said as he dabbed his face with the same towel that wrapped around his cut hand. “Halfling sweat is sweet anyway, so even if I did, I’m only adding flavor.”

  “Oh, gross.” Penny took a giant step away from Dar as if he had just shit in his pants.

  “Okay, what’s next?” Cimarra asked to change the subject back to the task at hand.

  “I’m going to add the yeast,” I replied and pointed to the white bag near the ladder. “Then I’ll give it another quick stir, and after that we wait a few days as it ferments.”

  “Not too hard … ” Cimarra nodded. “I’ll write the process down in my notebook later for us to have a detailed map.”

  “That would be great,” I said as I poured the yeast into the cooled yellow mash.

  “How will we know when it’s ready?” Cimarra asked as she sat with the others sprawled out near the tub.

  “When it smells like sweet bread,” Dar grunted, and his belly lifted and fell with long steady breaths.

  “Remember how we tried to hide that smell in the guild?” Penny snickered and used her foot to tap the sprawled out halfling in front of her, as if to check if he was still alive.

  “Your fake admirer sending you sweets?” Dar chuckled as he put his hands behind his head.

  “Hagan was an idiot,” Penny sneered.

  “So, sweet?” Cimarra asked as her eyes landed on me for an answer.

  “That’s the smell we want,” I told her while I finished up the last stir and grabbed the lid. “It’ll turn sour first and then sweet.”

  “Kind of like you but minus the sweet?” Penny laughed as she leaned back on her hand.

  “Ha, ha,” I mocked and gave the mash one more look before I secured the lid over the vat. Then we sat in comfortable silence for a few moments and relished in our accomplishment.

  “Before I go to my show,” Cimarra cleared her throat, “I had an idea to really make this business flourish.”

  “Let’s hear it,” Dar said as he sat up, realized Azure was chomping on his shirt, and then pushed the little dragon away.

  “We should consider finding a front for our little operation,” Cimarra began. “Something that’ll protect us from being seen, but also help us with production or even distribution.”

  “I agree,” I said, “but we don’t have enough money to purchase a business, yet.”

  “This is true, but--” Cimarra looked to Dar and slightly nodded in his direction, “I don’t mean any offense to your cousin, Dar--”

  “His catering business?” Penny interrupted.

  “Yes, it’s--” Cimarra perked up.

  “Not gonna happen,” the halfling snorted. “Does anyone here know how to cook anything besides whiskey mash?”

  “We can hire chefs,” Cimarra countered, “it’s the perfect cover.”

  “Did he have wagons?” I asked as I thought of what the magic keys had told me in the middle of Adi’s kitchen.

  “He did,” Dar said as he scratched his chin, “four or five, I think.”

  “This is perfect.” My heart throbbed and jumped toward the keys’ chest by my bed as if it were tugged forward by an invisible magnet. “This is our way into the elven event.”

  “Wait, what?” Dar asked as he rubbed his forehead and tilted his head. “You actually want to finish the event Adi was prepping for?”

  “When is it?” Cimarra wondered. “And why do we need to get in?”

  “A few days from now,” I replied. “I know there’s something there we need.”

  “Like what?” Penny gestured for me to continue.

  “I don’t know yet,” I said as I tapped the ground with my finger, “but this catering company is our way to find out.”

  “Wade … ” Dar’s eyes focused on mine, “how do you know there is something at the event we need?”

  “The keys told me,” I chuckled and gestured toward the wooden chest. “I know it sounds crazy, trust me, I do.”

  “Eh, just a little,” Dar smirked and pinched the air, “but they are magic keys.”

  “What did they say exactly?” Cimarra chimed in.

  “They said, ‘go to the event if you want to see what we see.’” I shrugged and scratched at my head.

  “Then we need to go!” Cimarra exclaimed as she clapped her hands together. “We can go to this elven event, see what the hell we need to see and then use the catering carts for distribution and more honest catering work for other events. It’ll be the perfect long-term way to obscure our criminal enterprise.”

  “As long as I don’t have to cook for the elves, and it decreases the chances of us getting caught, I think it’s a good idea,” Penny said.

  “Multiple streams of income will always be better than one,” Cimarra added as she smiled at the pixie.

  Then all of our eyes naturally settled on Dar, whose lips slowly curved into a smile.


  “Alright, let’s do it,” he said before he stood up and wiped the dirt off his trousers.

  “Do you think you can get it by tomorrow?” I grunted as I stood to my feet, too.

  “I’m sure Adi’s body has been discovered by now,” Dar sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “If it has, I could probably convince my relatives to let me keep running the business. Hell, might even be able to get it for free.”

  “Oh, I like free,” Cimarra added. “Especially since we are going to have to pay for cooks and such to get it running.”

  “So, it’s settled?” Penny asked and peered at all of us.

  “Yeah, let’s go get ourselves a catering company,” Dar said as he clapped me on the back.

  And that’s exactly what we did.

  Chapter 2

  Dar once told me he’d rather chew off his own arm than serve a bunch of elven assholes. Well, I didn’t think he ever believed he’d see the day come to pass.

  But, there we were, in the middle of an egg and flour filled warzone as we tried to finish Adi’s preparations for the elven event.

  “Is it just me, or am I always stirring shit these days?” Dar blinked up at me with white flour swiped across his chin. “Why’d I let you talk me into this crock of orc piss?”

  “You already know why.” I smirked and peered at Dar out of the corner of my eye. “Plus, you’re the one who volunteered to help.”

  “Did I say you can stop, Jasper?” Our new halfling chef paced around the kitchen like a general in front of his troops. He was known for his stew pies and chocolate cakes and considered one of the best chefs in the Halfling District. Not only that, but he had experience cooking for elves in the Elven District.

  “No, Chef Marver,” a small bug-eyed halfling grunted as he whisked a bowl of eggs.

  We didn’t have a lot of time to hire a team of cooks around the grumpy chef, so he brought his own. As long as the elves didn’t kill us for lousy food, I figured that would be reason enough to celebrate.

  “Faster, faster.” Marver pointed a meaty finger at Dar as his gray, bushy eyebrows twitched with his command. “If you volunteer to help in my kitchen, know we never settle.”

  “Can I help in any way?” I asked as I stepped toward the chef and dodged another halfling carrying a bowl of white paste.

  “No, no, don’t worry, I have this covered,” he said as he turned his gaze onto me.

  “Just let me know if you--” I dodged the same halfling with the bowl again as Marver eyed him.

  “I will, Mr. Wade.” Marver nodded, turned to face the halfling with the bowl, and bounced after him. “Knox, where in the name of the Ancients are you taking that bowl!”

  “I … I--” Knox stammered.

  “Do you want to die tomorrow?” Marver hissed.

  “No, no,” Knox whimpered as he tried to dodge the chef’s finger aimed right at his heart.

  “No. What?” Marver jabbed him after each word.

  “No, Chef Marver!” Knox shouted and rubbed his chest.

  “Then bring that bowl where it belongs.” Marver growled and pointed the other direction.

  The culinary maniac would take some getting used to, but he was very right. We could all die if the elves were in any way dissatisfied with our service or even the way we looked at them.

  “Is Cimarra or Penny coming tonight?” Dar asked me through labored breaths as he stirred.

  “Penny is busy prepping for distilling our new batch,” I murmured as I wandered closer to my friend, “and Cimarra has a show, so no.”

  “They helping us tomorrow for the event?” Dar grunted and spread flour in his hair as he scratched his head. Then he went back to stirring with his tongue squeezed between his lips.

  “They are,” I chuckled at the halfling chaos around me.

  After this, I hoped we didn’t have to do any more elven events, at least until we could hire some more staff.

  “I have to keep reminding myself we got this business for free,” Dar sighed as he tapped the spoon against the bowl.

  “What exactly did your family say about it?” I asked before I dipped a finger in some melted chocolate and gave it a taste.

  “My uncle was livid I’d even think about the business so soon after Adi’s death,” Dar tapped the spoon a little harder against the same bowl, “but I told him you were a successful businessman, and that I’d be helping you.”

  “Did that convince them?” I wondered.

  “My aunt did the convincing,” Dar replied as he cracked a few more eggs into the bowl in front of him. “She told him it would be a smart move to keep it in the family and suggested it would honor Adi’s legacy.”

  “We’ll do our best to do just that,” I promised.

  “There’s only one thing that might be weird,” Dar said with a wince.

  “What?” I asked as I brushed my hands off from the flour splattered across the counter.

  “We have to keep the name.” Dar smirked and shrugged at the same time. “That okay with you?”

  “It’s good with me if it’s good with you.” I nodded toward my friend. “Cimarra and Penny shouldn’t mind either. They’re both really excited about this.”

  “Stinking Jasper!” Marver’s voice boomed within the kitchen, and both Dar and I flinched.

  “Some chef, huh?” Dar smirked as he eyed the chef in the corner poking at Jasper again.

  “My master, the great Chef Hal Hamfast, would be ashamed of how we worked tonight,” Marver bellowed as he paced around the counter. “We have been hired by Mr. Wade to do this the right way.”

  “Yes, chef!” the halfling cooks shouted.

  “Now, let’s honor the Great Hamfast and finish strong, eh?” Marver clapped his hands.

  “You know, chef, sir?” Dar’s tone alone told me he was about to embark on one of his many embellished stories.

  “What, Mr. Dar?” the chef asked as he molded the dough for his stew pies.

  “I once had the pleasure of eating a meal made by Hal Hamfast himself,” Dar said and smiled a toothy grin.

  “Ah, what did you have?” The chef’s eyes lightened for the first time all night. “His famous pork snout stew?”

  “No, never tasted that, but I had the … ”

  As my halfling friend droned on about Hal Hamfast, I wandered over to the sink. The same sink where I had washed away Adi’s blood only days earlier.

  I grabbed some dishes and began to scrub a few bowls. As I did, I wondered why the keys wanted me to go to the elven event in the first place. What did they want me to see?

  I didn’t have the answer, yet. But I knew I would soon.

  Another hour or so passed as Marver led the kitchen to victory, and then the preparations were completed.

  “Tomorrow, be ready,” Marver ordered as he left the cottage with his team of halflings.

  “We’ll meet you here bright and early,” I promised as I dried my hands on a towel.

  “Let’s get outta here,” Dar murmured and used a rag to wipe off some flour from his nose.

  “Off to make some whiskey, now.” I clapped the halfling on the shoulder as we walked toward one of Adi’s wagons.

  “I’m not stirring anything, right?” Dar asked with a smirk.

  “No more stirring,” I chuckled as I lifted myself onto the wagon.

  Then we drove back to the stables to assist Penny with the whiskey. When we opened the door, the pixie was maneuvering a barrel as big as her near the elephant tub.

  “Everything go smoothly?” I asked.

  “I cleaned the empty vat, the distilling keg, and made sure the filter is secure for when the mash transfers over,” Penny huffed and fanned herself with her hand. “Don’t you ever think of calling me weak or small again. These fucking empty barrels are heavy.”

  “Have I ever called you that?” I asked and noticed a few other barrels she’d moved.

  “I’m sure you’ve thought it.” She pursed her lips and glared at me as only she c
ould.

  “Feel free to get some rest. Dar and I’ll--” I turned and saw Dar had passed out face first in a pile of hay, “--finish as much as I can tonight with the dragon.”

  “You sure?” Penny asked as she yawned with sleep already in her eyes.

  “By the sound of that yawn, yeah, I’m sure,” I laughed. “We have a big day with the elves tomorrow.”

  “I won’t argue.” She hesitated for a second before she shuffled to her bed of blankets in one of the elephant stalls. “Don’t be up too late.”

  “Just make sure you wake me up,” I said as Azure tugged at my boot laces and peered up at me with his yellow orbs. “You ready for a late night?”

  I walked over to the empty metallic tub that Penny had made nice and shiny, and then I leaned over the edge and unplugged the spigot that connected both the vats through the copper tube. The fermented liquid mash began to drain into the empty drum through the cloth filter, and I carefully inspected the liquid as it poured into the tub.

  “Can’t have any solids, Azure,” I told my loyal dragon as I patted him on the head.

  The dog-sized blue dragon let out a happy growl, so I figured he understood what I was saying.

  “My dad once told me ‘distilling can be relaxin’, and I think he was right. How about you?”

  Azure seemed to nod under my scratching fingers, or maybe he was just trying to position me so I was getting a better spot behind his ears.

  “I’m gonna need the others to understand this process as well at some point, but I like doing this part on my own.”

  My pet dragon let out a purr, and then he twisted his head around so I was getting under his chin.

  Yep, he was pretty much like a dog.

  “Okay,” I said after the tub was full enough to start the distilling process, “I need you to start heating this again.”

  Azure huffed, opened his mouth, and then poured flame out onto the bottom of the vat. I let him do his job for a few moments before I waved for him to stop.

  “That’s good, buddy, you can go take a nap now if you want.”

  He let out a mewing sound, and then pushed his head into my leg.

  “Alright,” I laughed. “A few more scratches, but as soon as this has cooled off, I gotta go back to work, and then you can take a nap.”